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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

Erma Bombeck

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
ERMA BOMBECK

Bed Boredom Family Mom Myself
Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
ERMA BOMBECK

Act Children Forgiveness Love
If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
ERMA BOMBECK

Chance God Growth Life Magic Moments Myself Pregnant
It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Move Theory Yourself
Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECK

Design Fashion Human Literature Myself
Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
ERMA BOMBECK

Appearance Gift Hide Price Women
The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Food Funny Lion Wrong
The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
ERMA BOMBECK

Advice Appearance
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
ERMA BOMBECK

Home Ideas Myself See Work
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Pieces Travel Yourself
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Family Funny Mom Myself Safety
Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
ERMA BOMBECK

Clean Experience Food Funny God Oneself Religious
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
ERMA BOMBECK

Believe Book Children Friendship Herself Library Myself
When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
ERMA BOMBECK

Appearance Home Humor Time Travel Yourself
Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
ERMA BOMBECK

Evening Failure Feeling Goodness Misery Sun
Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
ERMA BOMBECK

Courage Humor Inspirational Laughter Need Reward Tragedy Yourself

As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

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Popular Authors

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