One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECKA grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
ERMA BOMBECK