When humor goes, there goes civilization.
ERMA BOMBECKI was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
ERMA BOMBECK