No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
ERMA BOMBECKNo one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
ERMA BOMBECKHousework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
ERMA BOMBECKA grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
ERMA BOMBECKSuccess is outliving your failures.
ERMA BOMBECKI never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
ERMA BOMBECKIf you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
ERMA BOMBECKNever go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECKPeople usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
ERMA BOMBECKThe grass is always greener over the septic tank.
ERMA BOMBECKHe who laughs lasts.
ERMA BOMBECKKids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
ERMA BOMBECKThe odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECKCleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
ERMA BOMBECKWhen I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
ERMA BOMBECKMaybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
ERMA BOMBECKOnion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
ERMA BOMBECK