My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
ERMA BOMBECKIt is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
ERMA BOMBECK