Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
ERMA BOMBECKIt is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Children make your life important.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Success is outliving your failures.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
ERMA BOMBECK