Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
ERMA BOMBECKSeize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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He who laughs lasts.
ERMA BOMBECK