I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
ERMA BOMBECKOne thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
ERMA BOMBECK







