A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
ERMA BOMBECKOnion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
-
-
How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
ERMA BOMBECK -
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
ERMA BOMBECK -
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
ERMA BOMBECK -
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECK -
There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
ERMA BOMBECK -
When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
ERMA BOMBECK -
If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
ERMA BOMBECK -
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
ERMA BOMBECK -
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Cats invented self-esteem.
ERMA BOMBECK -
I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
ERMA BOMBECK -
One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
ERMA BOMBECK -
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
ERMA BOMBECK -
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
ERMA BOMBECK -
I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
ERMA BOMBECK -
A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
ERMA BOMBECK -
When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
ERMA BOMBECK -
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
ERMA BOMBECK -
The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
ERMA BOMBECK -
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
ERMA BOMBECK