A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
ERMA BOMBECKA grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
ERMA BOMBECKHow come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
ERMA BOMBECKLike religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
ERMA BOMBECKPeople usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
ERMA BOMBECKNever go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECKSome emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
ERMA BOMBECKMy idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
ERMA BOMBECKI’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
ERMA BOMBECKGuilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECKIt is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
ERMA BOMBECKWomen are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
ERMA BOMBECKThe odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECKThanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
ERMA BOMBECKHe who laughs lasts.
ERMA BOMBECKFriends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
ERMA BOMBECKSometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECK