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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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Better laid than never.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
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We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
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Old age is always ten years more than we are.
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Age Old Reality
I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.
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