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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.

Erma Bombeck

I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
ERMA BOMBECK

Exploration Food Funny Humor Myself
Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Ideas Light Myself Yourself
If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
ERMA BOMBECK

Chance God Growth Life Magic Moments Myself Pregnant
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
ERMA BOMBECK

Humor Planning Surprise Wonderful
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
ERMA BOMBECK

Clothes Live Luck Myself Society
Housework can kill you if done right.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Kill Work Yourself
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
ERMA BOMBECK

End God Hope Inspirational Life Motivational Myself Success Talent
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECK

Give Up Guilty
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Experience Food Funny Hope Humor Man Myself Pieces Travel
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Expectation Funny Life Oneself Sarcastic
Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Encouragement Independence Lose
He who laughs lasts.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Happiness Inspirational One Liner
The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Food Funny Lion Wrong
Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
ERMA BOMBECK

Determination Difference Fame Greatness Success
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Family Funny Mom Myself Safety
When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Path Tough

There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.

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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.

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