I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERS
Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERS -
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
JOAN RIVERS -
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
JOAN RIVERS -
When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
JOAN RIVERS -
A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
JOAN RIVERS -
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
JOAN RIVERS -
The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
JOAN RIVERS -
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS -
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
JOAN RIVERS -
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
JOAN RIVERS -
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS -
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
JOAN RIVERS -
If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
JOAN RIVERS -
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
JOAN RIVERS