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I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.

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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
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Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
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I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”
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Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
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