If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
JOAN RIVERSI have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
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I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
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I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
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You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
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I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
JOAN RIVERS