Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDSTake me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS -
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS