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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!

W. C. Fields

Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife

Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!

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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!

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