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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

W. C. Fields

If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

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