You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
TIM ALLENI am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
TIM ALLEN