Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
TIM ALLENCan we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
More Tim Allen Quotes
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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I have a thing for tools.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
TIM ALLEN






