I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
TIM ALLENCan we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
TIM ALLEN