I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
TIM ALLENTo get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
TIM ALLEN