I do a lot of family shows.
TIM ALLENWhen somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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I have a thing for tools.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
TIM ALLEN