Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
TIM ALLENWhen somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
TIM ALLEN






