I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
TIM ALLENI love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
TIM ALLEN






