As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
TIM ALLENThe ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I do a lot of family shows.
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Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
TIM ALLEN






