If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
TIM ALLENThe ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
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I do a lot of family shows.
TIM ALLEN