Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
TIM ALLENThe ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
TIM ALLEN