Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
TIM ALLENMen are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
TIM ALLEN






