I do a lot of family shows.
TIM ALLENI do a lot of family shows.
TIM ALLENI love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
TIM ALLENI blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
TIM ALLENIn marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
TIM ALLENWomen are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
TIM ALLENMy comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
TIM ALLENThey say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
TIM ALLENI think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
TIM ALLENWhen somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
TIM ALLENI have a thing for tools.
TIM ALLENCan we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
TIM ALLENI have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
TIM ALLENDog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
TIM ALLENI’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
TIM ALLENThere is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
TIM ALLENMen aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
TIM ALLEN