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A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

Steve Martin

I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
STEVE MARTIN

Animal Funny Goodness Important Laughter Learning Myself Sex
How many people have never raised their hand before?
STEVE MARTIN

Deep Hands People Question Voice
It’s pain that changes our lives.
STEVE MARTIN

Change Live One Liner Ourselves Pain
Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
STEVE MARTIN

Different Goodness Myself People Promise Talk Unique
Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.
STEVE MARTIN

Ability Element Natural Necessary Quality Yourself
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
STEVE MARTIN

Doctor Funny Goodness Myself Sick
Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
STEVE MARTIN

Alcohol Drink Poet Team Writing
I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
STEVE MARTIN

Cook Fire Hairs Match Mischief Myself Start
All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
STEVE MARTIN

Honesty Myself Pay Work
Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it’s almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.
STEVE MARTIN

Act Actor Collaboration Team Work Yourself
You have to get comfortable with your work, you really have to know what you’re doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.
STEVE MARTIN

Boredom Comfortable Work Yourself
When I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.
STEVE MARTIN

Death Myself Thinking
I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
STEVE MARTIN

Drink Myself Price Try
I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
STEVE MARTIN

Body Funny Home Myself Play Stay Woman
Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
STEVE MARTIN

Appearance Business Perspective Teach
I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
STEVE MARTIN

Book Funny Myself

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

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A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

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