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You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

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Appearance Funny Myself Sex Woman Yourself

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
STEVE MARTIN

Business Happiness Person Surprise Try Yourself
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
STEVE MARTIN

Doctor Funny Goodness Myself Sick
It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
STEVE MARTIN

Philosophy Thinking Yourself
It’s pain that changes our lives.
STEVE MARTIN

Change Live One Liner Ourselves Pain
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
STEVE MARTIN

Hard Time Night Shine Sun Yourself
I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
STEVE MARTIN

Body Funny Home Myself Play Stay Woman
Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.
STEVE MARTIN

Expectation Inspirational Motivational Room Yourself
I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
STEVE MARTIN

Cook Fire Hairs Match Mischief Myself Start
No art comes from the conscious mind.
STEVE MARTIN

Art Conscience Mindset One Liner
I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
STEVE MARTIN

Day Life Myself Past Present
Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
STEVE MARTIN

Alone Break Up Connection Deep Herself Himself Moments Night Relationship Thinking
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
STEVE MARTIN

Beautiful Believe Money Myself Natural Sex
I love money. I love everything about it.
STEVE MARTIN

Love Money Myself One Liner
Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
STEVE MARTIN

Alcohol Drink Poet Team Writing
I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
STEVE MARTIN

Animal Funny Goodness Important Laughter Learning Myself Sex
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
STEVE MARTIN

Destruction Funny Philosophy

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