People, when they go on stage, tend to be animated and try to force things out instead of relaxing and bringing it in.
RON WHITEThe first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
More Ron White Quotes
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Ultimately I’m the writer for me, but also, anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me, and I’m pretty good at helping them get there.
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I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
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I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
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My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.
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Movies are boring. It’s like watching paint dry. I did a little role in a movie, and it was eight lines. I was there for three days. It’s just horrible.
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I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.
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There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
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My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
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I’m not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you’ll pay late.
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A killer Cuban restaurant with a giant cigar bar. Have me a Cuban sandwich. That’s just like heaven to me. I’m a simple man.
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Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!
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There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.
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I write all of my material. It’s all me.
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My show is more storytelling now than it’s ever been. It’s what I’m good at.
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I was by far the least popular of the Blue Collar crew when we started. There was a definite pecking order, and everybody knew it.
RON WHITE