I’m not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you’ll pay late.
RON WHITEMy life has been wild enough to derive all of the stories you need out of it. I’ve been through many, many years of behavioral problems, so I don’t really look outside for stories.
More Ron White Quotes
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I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability.
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I don’t know who in my family thinks very fast at all, including me. The things that people see me do onstage are written, so it doesn’t have to be very quick if you have all day with a pen.
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Comedy is all about the pause.
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Ultimately I’m the writer for me, but also, anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me, and I’m pretty good at helping them get there.
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I’ve asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don’t understand it. But I don’t understand a lot of things.
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I guarantee there’s people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show.
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Any time someone achieves success before they’ve earned it, it always comes back to haunt them.
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Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!
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The only thing I really worry about is my live stand-up show because I have to answer to the fans.
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There’s not a pill you can take; there’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.
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Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine’s putting in an express lane.
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Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.
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If I’m not in the theatre, I’m in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or whatever, just trying to develop stuff.
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I always wanted to be a popular comedian.
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There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
RON WHITE