Funny Quotes

An assorted collection of quotes on Funny with high quality images that will help you to relate with the right words. Quotes are the rythmical creation of words. Download and share this collection of Funny quotes with your firiends, family and loved ones on social media platforms.

I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.
ALFRED HITCHCOCK

Act Animal Funny Sarcastic
Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Clean Funny Home Mom
A person who wasn’t outraged on first hearing about quantum theory didn’t understand what had been said.
NIELS BOHR

Funny Person Science Understand
You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well guess what, I get F’s!!!
BILL WATTERSON

Funny Guess Moving School
Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
PLATO

Animal Boy Funny Manage Youth
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.
LEONARDO DA VINCI

Funny Hands Hope Marriage Relationship Snake
Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.
AL GORE

Funny Nature Photograph Travel
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Dance Family Funny Humour Rid Skeleton
When I’m at home alone, I run up the stairs naked. It’s quite funny.
LOUIS TOMLINSON

Alone Funny Home Myself Naked Quite Stairs
I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, “Hey, do you mind if I join you?” Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Guy Humor
A jealous woman is a best investigator than CBI.
HELLY MCGIBBON

Funny Investigation Jealous Sarcastic Woman
I believe more in the scissors than I do in the pencil.
TRUMAN CAPOTE

Believe Funny Myself Scissor
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Leadership Man Women
My puns are not trivial. They are quadrivial.
JAMES JOYCE

Funny
You Gujarati people are so cute but why is your food so dangerous dhokla, fafda, handva, thepla it sounds like they are missiles
KAREENA KAPOOR

Dangerous Food Funny People Sound Yourself
Life is a funny thing, the minute you think you’ve got everything figured out something comes along and turns it all upside down.
ZAYN MALIK

Funny Thinking
I had three chairs in my house; one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.
HENRY DAVID THOREAU

Chair Friendship Funny House Humour Society Solitude
It is disgusting – Why must we have bodies?
JEAN-PAUL SARTRE

Body Funny Philosophy
Pirate was going to be my middle name, but then my uncle had a problem with it because pirates are bad.
BILLIE EILISH

Bad Funny Humour Pirate Problem
I love my fed-ex guy cause he’s a drug dealer and he don’t even know it…and he’s always on time.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Love
It isn’t what I do, but how I do it. It isn’t what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.
MAE WEST

Funny Look Sarcastic
It’s funny how close the past is, sometimes. Sometimes it seems as if you could almost reach out and touch it. Only who really wants to?
STEPHEN KING

Close Funny Memories Past Touch
Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.
STEPHEN HAWKING

Funny Life One Liner Terrible Wisdom
I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, “I’ll just get a tan instead.”
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Teeth
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX

Animal Black Cat Cross Funny Humour Path
I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say ‘Mitch,’ and I say ‘what?’ and turn my head slightly.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Phone
You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Difference Divorce Funny Trailor

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