Funny Quotes

The good Lord added an extra dash of forehead when making me.

I seem to have no dress sense at all. I’m always being listed in New York among one of the ten worst dressed men of the year. Someone once described me as “looking like an unmade bed.” He was right!

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

I don’t jump to conclusions I gracefully fall to them.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Yoga may look peaceful and calming, but even Arnold Schwarzenegger would have trouble breathing after twenty surya namaskars in a row.

The law does not pretend to punish everything that is dishonest. That would seriously interfere with business.

Sometimes, I must admit, I’d like to have a second guitarist onstage with me, but it wouldn’t look right. I’d like to play for another 20 years, but I don’t know. I just can’t see it happening. I don’t know why. It’s a certain foreboding. A funny feeling. Vultures.

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.