Funny Quotes

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

I find very often that very ugly women have really handsome men and vice versa because they don’t have any competition. Sometimes handsome men have avoided me.

You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

Barbie is my role model. She might not do anything, but she looks good doing it.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

You ride well, but you don’t kiss nicely at all.

Theory is knowledge that doesn’t work. Practice is when everything works and you don’t know why.

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

There’s only two people in your life you should lie to… the police and your girlfriend.