I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
NORM MACDONALDMost men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
NORM MACDONALD