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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.

Norm MacDonald

The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
NORM MACDONALD

Imperfection Man Ourselves Praise Seek Virtue
The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
NORM MACDONALD

Ego Expression Imitation Joy Opinion Person Satisfaction See Worth
In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
NORM MACDONALD

Adversity Dangerous Escape Reason Suffering Understand
I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
NORM MACDONALD

Dog Funny Material Myself Protection Value
There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
NORM MACDONALD

Advice Avoid Determination Distance Himself Man Opinion Pursue
I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
NORM MACDONALD

Enough Funny Myself Natural Reality Sound
It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
NORM MACDONALD

Deep Necessary Tolerance
I don’t have any ambition.
NORM MACDONALD

Ambition Myself One Liner
Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
NORM MACDONALD

Comedy Funny Laughter Surprise Yourself
I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
NORM MACDONALD

Care Exercise Preference Sex Win Yourself
You can’t love your team without hating another team.
NORM MACDONALD

Hate Love Rival Team Yourself
I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
NORM MACDONALD

Computer Enough Food Money Myself Need Right Technology Yourself
This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
NORM MACDONALD

Game Greatness Money
There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
NORM MACDONALD

Grief Man Mistake Virtue
Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
NORM MACDONALD

Behavior Hate Love Mental People Violence
The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
NORM MACDONALD

Action Affect Deep Future Ourselves Regret

All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.

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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.

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