You can’t love your team without hating another team.
NORM MACDONALDSome men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
NORM MACDONALD