All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
NORM MACDONALDSome men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
NORM MACDONALD -
The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
NORM MACDONALD -
There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
NORM MACDONALD -
During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
NORM MACDONALD -
As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
NORM MACDONALD -
Few people love with the violence they hate.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
NORM MACDONALD -
In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
NORM MACDONALD






