All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
NORM MACDONALDSome men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
NORM MACDONALD