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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.

Norm MacDonald

Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
NORM MACDONALD

Dog Friendship Funny Home Ideas Man See Thrill Walk Yourself
Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
NORM MACDONALD

Enjoyment Love Man Small Wind
There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
NORM MACDONALD

Communication Fools Practice Report Understand
I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
NORM MACDONALD

Dog Funny Material Myself Protection Value
I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
NORM MACDONALD

Enough Funny Myself Natural Reality Sound
Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
NORM MACDONALD

Philosophy Reason Shame Virtue
Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
NORM MACDONALD

Philosophy Prejudice Reason Strong Weakness
The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
NORM MACDONALD

Different Moral Nation Reading
A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
NORM MACDONALD

Crime Evil Greatness Injustice Man Practice Success Thinking World
The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
NORM MACDONALD

Beginning Knowledge Mistake Philosophy Wisdom
He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
NORM MACDONALD

Himself Praise Search
All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
NORM MACDONALD

Death Life Money Myself People Thinking Try
They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
NORM MACDONALD

Afraid Dog Funny Identity Myself Reality Worry
It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
NORM MACDONALD

Fortune Policy Wasted Time
Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
NORM MACDONALD

Acknowledgement Hypocrisy Shame
It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
NORM MACDONALD

Adversity Better Desire Destroy Necessary Prosperity Ruin

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.

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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.

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