Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
NORM MACDONALDNote to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
NORM MACDONALD