Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
NORM MACDONALDNote to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
NORM MACDONALD