I still believe that sex is dirty. It’s just that now I wouldn’t have it any other way.
LILY TOMLINSometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
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I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
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Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.
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Exercise is for people who can’t handle drugs or alcohol.
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Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
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Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
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Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.
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There’s nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, ‘I didn’t do it right’.
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Infinity is just time on an ego trip.
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What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.
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Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.
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I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
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Having a real public outlet is how you imprint something for yourself. It’s just a matter of timing. It’s like you’ve marked your territory.
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Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.
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If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
LILY TOMLIN






