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Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

Lily Tomlin

If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less.
LILY TOMLIN

Fame Myself Settle Willing
The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
LILY TOMLIN

Company Earth Name Phone Standard
I guess if people couldn’t profit from war I don’t think there would be war.
LILY TOMLIN

Myself People Profit Thinking War
I try to be cynical, but it’s so hard to keep up.
LILY TOMLIN

Hard Myself Try
Infinity is just time on an ego trip.
LILY TOMLIN

Ego Infinity One Liner Time Trip
If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
LILY TOMLIN

Better Creature Death Evolution Laughter Survive Worth
Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
LILY TOMLIN

Deep God Hypocrisy Prayer Talk
When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.
LILY TOMLIN

Better Cry Feeling Happiness Laughter Price Sad
Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
LILY TOMLIN

Leadership Reality Touch
9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn’t really happened, but it has come closer.
LILY TOMLIN

Equality Money Pay People Work
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
LILY TOMLIN

Career Important Myself Regret
Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?
LILY TOMLIN

Feeling Mindset Yourself
Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain.
LILY TOMLIN

Complain Human Invention Language
Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
LILY TOMLIN

Adult Country Election Hard Work
Growing up in Michigan was fine, until I realized where I was.
LILY TOMLIN

Born Growth Myself Place
What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.
LILY TOMLIN

Audience Brain Knowledge Myself Praise Thinking

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

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Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

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