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The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.

Lily Tomlin

My politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic. I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them.
LILY TOMLIN

Education Empathy Growth Human Kind Myself Politics Religion
After all, in private, we’re all misfits.
LILY TOMLIN

One Liner Privacy
9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn’t really happened, but it has come closer.
LILY TOMLIN

Equality Money Pay People Work
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
LILY TOMLIN

Beautiful Funny Hairs Library Truth
Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain.
LILY TOMLIN

Complain Human Invention Language
Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
LILY TOMLIN

Afraid Failure Inspirational Missing Opportunity
Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
LILY TOMLIN

Name Top Yourself
No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.
LILY TOMLIN

Change Enough Myself Transformation
I still believe that sex is dirty. It’s just that now I wouldn’t have it any other way.
LILY TOMLIN

Believe Dirty Myself Sex
It’s a more ridiculing, divisive humor today.
LILY TOMLIN

Change Comedy Humor Present Ridicule
Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.
LILY TOMLIN

Difference Integrity Myself Past Truth
If life is so meaningless, then why are we always bringing it up?
LILY TOMLIN

Hypocrisy Life Meaning
What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.
LILY TOMLIN

Audience Brain Knowledge Myself Praise Thinking
Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
LILY TOMLIN

Form Intelligence Life Universe Yourself
But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.
LILY TOMLIN

Cost Live Money People Reason
I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They’d eaten each other.
LILY TOMLIN

Animal Eat Food Funny Myself

The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.

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The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.

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Popular Authors

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