“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.”

Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life’s work.

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

Spring time is the land awakening.

Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.

If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.

Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.

There’s no such thing as being too Southern.

There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.

Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

I never had any problems with my height. I was always the smallest kid, at school and in my teams.

I always thought I wanted to play professionally, and I always knew that to do that I’d have to make a lot of sacrifices.

A good game and we’re through to the semi-finals of the cup!

Football is a great deal like life in that it teaches that work, sacrifice, perseverance, competitive drive, selflessness, and respect for authority are the price each and every one of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile.

I just get on with my game and let the referees do their job.

The game isn’t over, keep giving your all.

Some fans keep booing and whistling at me because I’m handsome, rich and a great player. They envy me.

Turn any obstacle into an opportunity.