“If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.”

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.

I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.

It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life’s work.

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

Spring time is the land awakening.

Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.

Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.

There’s no such thing as being too Southern.

There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.

Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice.

I mean they don’t seem able to love us just the way we are. They don’t seem able to love us unless they can keep changing us a little bit. They love their reasons for loving us almost as much as they love us, and most of the time more.

The fact that laws were given to man, both affirmative and negative, supports the principle, that God’s knowledge of future events does not change their character. The great doubt that presents itself to our mind is the result of the insufficiency of our intellect.

This defines entrepreneur and entrepreneurship – the entrepreneur always searches for change, responds to it, and exploits it as an opportunity.

We now accept the fact that learning is a lifelong process of keeping abreast of change. And the most pressing task is to teach people how to learn.

The audience changes every night. You’re the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.

Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don’t believe is right.

Dynamism is a function of change.