“Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.”

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.

It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life’s work.

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

Spring time is the land awakening.

Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.

If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.

There’s no such thing as being too Southern.

There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.

Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

You only need to change your direction, said the cat, and ate it up.

You can draw a path for your life and have all of your goals set. You can change yourself as much as possible and change things around you just to reach those goals.

If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.

Contrast the experience with something worse and you cannot help feeling happy and grateful because. The change from trouble to comfort gives us more pleasure than uninterrupted comfort does.

My days of whining and complaining about others have come to an end. Nothing is easier than fault finding. All it will do is discolor my personality so that none will want to associate with me. That was my old life. No more.

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice.

I mean they don’t seem able to love us just the way we are. They don’t seem able to love us unless they can keep changing us a little bit. They love their reasons for loving us almost as much as they love us, and most of the time more.

The fact that laws were given to man, both affirmative and negative, supports the principle, that God’s knowledge of future events does not change their character. The great doubt that presents itself to our mind is the result of the insufficiency of our intellect.