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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.

Lewis Grizzard

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Choice Gift Home Marriage Myself Woman
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Alone Fact Family Marriage Myself Sleep
Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Death Feeling Goodness Myself
It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Better Children Death News Politics Slow
It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Difficult Eat Happiness Thinking
There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Food Time Wrong Yourself
I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Letters Marriage Myself People Possible Woman
The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Football Game Life Opportunity Problem Score Yourself
There’s no such thing as being too Southern.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Identity Personality South
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Death Delight Improvement Life Occasion Sick Study Way
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Life Sexuality Sick
When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Care Funny Lady Love Myself Old Room Time
I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Happiness Hate Man Myself Peace
Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Change Dog Leadership Life Race
There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Dirty Hard Inheritance Reality Sex Yourself
Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Animal Difference Sex

I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.

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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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