Happiness, at my age, is breathing
JOAN RIVERSI’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
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When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
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We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
JOAN RIVERS