On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
JOAN RIVERSI’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
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The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
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I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
JOAN RIVERS -
Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
JOAN RIVERS -
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
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If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
JOAN RIVERS -
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
JOAN RIVERS