On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERSI said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.
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Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
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I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”
JOAN RIVERS -
I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
JOAN RIVERS -
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS -
We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
JOAN RIVERS -
The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
JOAN RIVERS -
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
JOAN RIVERS -
Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
JOAN RIVERS






