Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
JOAN RIVERSI said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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Old age is always ten years more than we are.
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
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You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
JOAN RIVERS