I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERSI said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
JOAN RIVERS -
I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
JOAN RIVERS -
I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
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If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERS