I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
JOAN RIVERSI said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS -
You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
JOAN RIVERS -
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
JOAN RIVERS -
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
JOAN RIVERS -
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS -
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”
JOAN RIVERS -
The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
JOAN RIVERS -
She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
JOAN RIVERS -
Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
JOAN RIVERS -
We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
JOAN RIVERS -
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
JOAN RIVERS -
Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
JOAN RIVERS -
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
JOAN RIVERS -
If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
JOAN RIVERS