A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
JOAN RIVERSA man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
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Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
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Old age is always ten years more than we are.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
JOAN RIVERS






