Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERSA man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS -
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
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There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
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I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
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I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.
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I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
JOAN RIVERS






