I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
JOAN RIVERSI succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
JOAN RIVERSLife is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
JOAN RIVERSI have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
JOAN RIVERSTravel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
JOAN RIVERSMy mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
JOAN RIVERSAt my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
JOAN RIVERSMy daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
JOAN RIVERSFlorida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
JOAN RIVERSI told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
JOAN RIVERSLife goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
JOAN RIVERSSomething terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
JOAN RIVERSA female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
JOAN RIVERSIf you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERSA study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
JOAN RIVERSPut me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
JOAN RIVERSThank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
JOAN RIVERS