Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
JOAN RIVERSIf you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
-
-
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
JOAN RIVERS -
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
JOAN RIVERS -
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
JOAN RIVERS -
If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
JOAN RIVERS -
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
JOAN RIVERS -
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS -
My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”
JOAN RIVERS -
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
JOAN RIVERS -
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
JOAN RIVERS -
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
JOAN RIVERS -
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERS -
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
JOAN RIVERS






