Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
JOAN RIVERSEdgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
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Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.
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I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
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I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
JOAN RIVERS