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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

Joan Rivers

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Happiness Key Life Money People
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
JOAN RIVERS

Inspirational Memories Myself Success Talk Thinking
If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
JOAN RIVERS

Deal Laugh Yourself
When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
JOAN RIVERS

Fools Laughter Yourself
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
JOAN RIVERS

Darkness Hard Time Optimism Positive Present Success Thinking
Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
JOAN RIVERS

Blame Head Heart Love Myself Sex
There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
JOAN RIVERS

Book Different Education Help Misfortune
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
JOAN RIVERS

Believe Fashion Myself Respect Woman
The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Book Fashion Myself Woman
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
JOAN RIVERS

Date Fashion Marriage Mom Myself
If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
JOAN RIVERS

Fashion Military Ugly Yourself
I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.
JOAN RIVERS

Better Grief Myself
I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
JOAN RIVERS

Daughter Hate Herself Himself Myself
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Run Smile Time
I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
JOAN RIVERS

Myself Smoke Time
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
JOAN RIVERS

Enjoyment Philosophy Yourself

Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

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