When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
ERMA BOMBECKDid you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
ERMA BOMBECK







