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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

Erma Bombeck

A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
ERMA BOMBECK

Family Fun Herself Mom Relationship Yourself
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
ERMA BOMBECK

Direction Food Funny Kitchen Reading Yourself
I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
ERMA BOMBECK

Exploration Food Funny Humor Myself
Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
ERMA BOMBECK

Brain Damage Funny Injury
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
ERMA BOMBECK

Care Home Myself Theory Work Yourself
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
ERMA BOMBECK

Body Born Children Deep Mom Pregnant
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Experience Food Funny Hope Humor Man Myself Pieces Travel
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Humor Moments Woman
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Expectation Funny Life Oneself Sarcastic
Every puppy should have a boy.
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Boy Company Dog Friendship
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Game Himself Legal Man
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
ERMA BOMBECK

Humor Planning Surprise Wonderful
When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
ERMA BOMBECK

Beginning Children Room Yourself
When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Path Tough
Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
ERMA BOMBECK

Appearance Gift Hide Price Women
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECK

Give Up Guilty

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

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