I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
ERMA BOMBECKThe grass is always greener over the septic tank.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
ERMA BOMBECK