Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
ERMA BOMBECKThe grass is always greener over the septic tank.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECK







