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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

Erma Bombeck

Every puppy should have a boy.
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Boy Company Dog Friendship
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Family Funny Mom Myself Safety
A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
ERMA BOMBECK

Kindess Night Oneself Parents Price
Housework can kill you if done right.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Kill Work Yourself
Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
ERMA BOMBECK

Live Play Religious See Travel Understand Yourself
Cats invented self-esteem.
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Cat Invention Worth
Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Clean Funny Home Mom
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
ERMA BOMBECK

Care Home Myself Theory Work Yourself
I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Give Up Myself See Sex Trust Woman
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECK

Give Up Guilty
It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Move Theory Yourself
Success is outliving your failures.
ERMA BOMBECK

Failure Growth Inspirational Live One Liner Success
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Experience Food Funny Hope Humor Man Myself Pieces Travel
I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
ERMA BOMBECK

Exercise Insect Inspiration Woman
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
ERMA BOMBECK

Happiness Hurt Laughter Pain Tragedy
The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Food Funny Lion Wrong

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Erma Bombeck Quotes