Every puppy should have a boy.
ERMA BOMBECKPeople usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Success is outliving your failures.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
ERMA BOMBECK